Ayi on the Move

Ayi is an enigma. She’s the only one able to fix the coffee machine in the office. She may seem all elusive, but really she’s omnipresent, sitting in the shadows or walking slowly and silently down the darkened corridors. Sometimes you don’t see her for hours, then suddenly you’ll be aware of a figure sitting very close behind you, starring intently at your computer screen. If you move around too much she’ll steal your chair and occasionally the...[read more]

Watch, Bagga, Looka, DVD Lady!

“Watch, looka, bagga lady! Watch looka bagga! Ok, DVD? DVD!”

“But I don’t want a watch, or a bag, or a DVD. I’m ok thanks, I’m just trying to cross the road without being hassled.”

“But looka lady, Gucci! Gucci! Bag!”

“But my Ayi already has that bag, I think she might be offended if I bought the same one as her. And I’m just trying to cross the road, I don’t want to buy...[read more]

No More Mao Mao

Oh dear, after the first Christmas bash of the season with Mrs. Cotton on Xinhua Lu I arrived safe and snug and warmed by mulled wine. After the water man came with the weekly delivery, I forgot to check the door lock and an hour later: “Mei yo mao, mao”; “sans chat!” Oooops. How am I going to explain this one to my friend who lent me her cat to keep me company? I spent the half of...[read more]

Building

There is a new mysterious construction that I can see from my friends’ apartment window. “We think it’s a new theatre or stadium.” My friend, who is an architect said: - “It looks like a toilet seat.” That - or a Nike running shoe under sole. There are some funny looking buildings around. My German contingent – most of whom are architects - have a favourite building-in-Shanghai competition and it’s impossible to walk around without being subjected to...[read more]

Falling Down

"He's confused as to why you are still here," my friend translates. "Because I can't move my legs," I reply, breaking into peals of over-tired laughter. Finding yourself in a compromising situation where your language ability is inadequate makes it a lot easier to surrender yourself to humor. It was cold, it was Sunday, I was shopping with my girlfriends, then splat - I was face down on the pavement with dirt in my mouth and strangers asking what they...[read more]

Christmas Chicken

I thought Christmas had come early. I thought I saw snow. I was all snug in my early morning email-checking freelance writer’s haze when I noticed my friend’s Facebook status had changed to read: “I just saw a chicken having it’s head sliced off on the sidewalk.” So I had to ask – what do you mean – Chicken slaughter? Where? In broad daylight by the side of the road? Really?

“Yes, I swear”, he responded. “I saw it with...[read more]

Opera

I just can’t stop thinking about the taxi drivers across Shanghai. They actually have a great deal of power over your day when you think about it. A good cab journey can see you skipping off to your office full of the joys of Shanghai Spring. But they can equally annihilate any day into becoming  what the whinging masses describe as a “China Day”.  You know the kind of days, there are...[read more]

Bad Language

I hate that my Chinese is still crap. I was under the impression that after living somewhere for nigh on a year I’d at least be able to hold a conversation with old people and even a few small ones too. But no, my brain refuses to let my mouth make the sounds I know it should be fully capable of. It just won’t sink in…does anyone know of any good methods so all those tomes and tones...[read more]

The Teddybear Woman of Xuhui

I always wondered where she lives, the "Teddybear woman of Xuhui." Maybe she's friends with the beer-drinking monkey owner. But I only ever saw her after 9pm at night, pushing those sad floppy eared, raggedly looking bears through the streets of the French Concession. I kept trying to take her picture but when I arrived in Shanghai this time last year it was too cold for walking and every journey was made in cabs. So I always ended up with...[read more]

Dangerous Cyclists, Unwritten Rules and Flip-flops

What is it exactly about cycling in Shanghai? Is it as dangerous China-wide or is it just our metropolis?

The rules of cycling in Shanghai:

Rule No. 1: ALWAYS cycle into oncoming traffic.

Rule No. 2: NEVER under any circumstance whilst obeying rule number one look into the eyes of the cyclist travelling in the right traffic direction.

Rule No. 3: PEEP your parp or HONK your horn excessively even if there is only one other cyclist on...[read more]