5 reasons not to be single this winter
If you’re thinking about spending another winter alone, here are some helpful, encouraging reminders as to why you shouldn’t just accept solitude sitting down, all alone in your dark, cold, miserable apartment.
1. Party Season
Everyone has to have a party for the next four months. Early Christmas parties, pre-traveling Christmas house-parties, New Year’s bashes, Chinese New Year, and then, oh dear Lord, Valentine’s.
Do you really want to be the third wheel, the gooseberry, the awkward loner, at any party?
And think of all the questions about your relationship status. You don’t want to say you’re single without head-butting the person who asks, but you shouldn’t lie. You shouldn’t try and weasel out, either, by saying, “It’s complicated.” Your friends and family will know, with all their happiness and kids and boyfriends and girlfriends. Their judging eyes know how to spot someone who doesn’t have anyone, even if someone says they do.
2. The Family Visit Lifeline
You might be at home this winter, for longer than you like, with no one but your family to talk to. Get together with someone now so you can WeChat each other “fun” photos to stave off the family murder-suicide.
3. The Cold and Dark Winter Pit of Despair
Maybe you’ve fallen down there before, and no, I’m not talking about Australia.
“No one will see me naked this year, I’ll stop shaving.”
“My friends have this Sichuan dinner arranged, but I could just order taco delivery and guzzle a whole Haagen-Dazs tub.”
“Can I really be bothered to go out to the gym this evening?”
“My life is a fart.”
If any of these thoughts sound familiar, you probably want to avoid having them again. If you haven’t witnessed the heart of darkness yet, I recommend putting off that meeting as long as possible. Instead of fall into someone more lighthearted, because Seasonal Affected Depression (SAD) is real in Shanghai.
Pollution, lack of sunlight, dry skin, few events–winter is the time when the most people die alone and in the cold, while everyone else is having THE BEST HOLIDAY EVER in the company of friends, family, and warmest of all their significant other. Find your own warm one to snuggle up with, rather than snuggling up with a packet of tissues (for your sneezes), along with your sadness and regrets. And think of all the money you’ll save on heating bills.
You know how WeChat is. Everyone has to show off, all the time. This means that this season, you will be lucky enough to see every big gift received by everyone.
“Thanks, husband for my new Cartier necklace!”
“My girlfriend is the best, I have always wanted a cock-ring!”
“SOMEONE BOUGHT ME SOMETHING EXPENSIVE AND THEY LOVE ME AND NO ONE LOVES YOU”
And they might even take selfies with the gift AND the giver, while you’ll struggle to convince people you are happy alone with 20 WeChat updates every day.
“I went for a run!”
“I ate breakfast!”,
“I’m going shopping!”
Your friends and family know better, though. They’ll see right through your WeChat frenzy and know that you have no one in your life to give to and receive from. Or you could just delete WeChat.
5. Prevent Desperation
If you don’t cash in on the market now, when everyone’s starting a short-term love-lease, you know how it’ll get later. You might start doing those ‘pretending to be lez’ bar photos just to attract attention. Or you’ll be drunk and cross-eyed at a party, see what looks like a right hunky man or lovely lady, go home with them, but then wake up next to harsh reality.
by Stuart Lancaster