You know when you’re stumbling home from work, exhausted, tired, a little confused and a bit overwhelmed? Don’t worry, we all get that feeling.
It goes a little something like this;
1. Thank fuck the day is over.
2. Home. Home. Home. Home.
3. The metros in the city are amazing.
4. I don’t understand what my job is.
5. None of my Chinese colleagues speak English.
6. I don’t even speak English anymore.
7. Why am I so bad at learning Chinese?
8. I should learn Mandarin.
9. I should learn Shanghainese.
10. I should learn Mandarin and Shanghainese, then not tell anyone so I can hear all the bitchy stuff my colleagues say.
11. My colleagues can be such work bitches sometimes.
12. I should invite my work bitch colleagues for dinner.
13. I wonder how my work bitch colleagues would fare with the old knife and fork scenario. Ha.
14. I wish people would stop saying I hold my chopsticks like a baby.
15. Why doesn’t the metro have a stop right by my door?
16. Walking in this city can be so stressful and dangerous.
17. I should get a scooter.
18. I would die if I got a scooter.
19. GAH. Scooter on the pavement.
20. Why are there so many people?
21. That man just spat on me.
22. I need to spit.
23. Glorious spitting freedom is so grossly satisfying.
24. Why is the metro always full?
25. I can actually squeeze into the full metro.
26. You’re not allowed to squeeze into the full metro!
27. DON’T YOU THINK ABOUT IT THERE’S NO ROOM ON THE METRO.
28. It’s hot.
29. It’s way too hot.
30. I hate finding exact change for the metro.
31. I should get a jiaotong card.
32. Where did I put my last jiaotong card?
33. I’ve walked the entire length of Shanghai underground by now.
34. Why are you all queuing for the escalator?
35. I’ll take the stairs! See ya later, escalator bitches.
36. I’m on Line 9, I should not have taken the stairs.
37. Never getting the stairs again I can’t breathe.
38. I should start doing exercise.
39. The air is too bad to do exercise.…
40. I should join a gym.
41. Can you smoke in the gyms here?
42. I’m hungry.
43. What shall I have for dinner?
44. I’ll cook something healthy.
45. FUCK ME, City Shop is expensive.
46. I’m getting street noodles for dinner.
47. I keep getting an upset stomach after I eat street food but I see no correlation.
48. I wish I owned cheese.
49. If I drank less I could own cheese.
50. Maybe I’ll have a little glass of wine with dinner.
51. I’m not going out tonight.
52. Oh! WeChat message! People must love me and want to be around me.
53. Happy hours are great!
54. I am NOT going to Pudong for a happy hour.
55. I need to spend less money.
56. Why are burger deals only Sunday to Wednesday?
57. What would I be doing if I was in a smaller city?
58. GAH. Taxis are death traps on wheels for everyone around them.
59. I’m getting a cab home tomorrow.
60. I should get cabs less.
61. I should move closer to work.
62. Moving house would be so stressful.
63. I’m stressed.
64. I should go out more.
65. Is it accurate to say you’re going out if you’re not even “in” yet?
66. Where are my fucking keys.
67. If I’ve lost my keys I’ll have to go out.
68. I bet those work bitches took my keys.
69. I lost my keys. I’m going out.
What are you thinking about ont he way home from work?